it makes text messaging easier.

Assholes.
Why do people have Sidekicks and regular cell phones at the same time?
I want to leave, move to some scenic, pastoral setting, garden, fish, and write.
Never to return. Because honestly, I do not think I was meant for all of this.
This world never made sense to me, and its only getting worse.

I want out. I don't want to die, but live somewhere that is cut out for me, and people like me. God, if your listening, and I know you are, show me a sign that this is where I need to be. Because secretly, I'm banking on you giving me a secret decoder ring and a password to your hidden clubhouse where I can stay for a while.
Or give me something to look forward to other than degrees and a job.
I don't want my masters, or Ph.D.
Because that doesn't take away the dual threat of a sidekick and a cell phone.
Or Young Jeezy. Or the neverending threat of Neo-Soulism. Lost black people chasing after a dream never meant for them. Loving the scraps left lovingly out back of the Big House. Grin an' smile fo' massa.
Closed minds and hearts. Liberalism. You know there are still color-struck Black people? I saw a Che shirt with rhinestones. I heard a song with sex as the hook. And I heard 5 people say it was the album of the year.

Will my degrees protect me from this?
Will it protect me from you?
Will anything protect the people I love?
I pray to God that he will. To give me the strength to never stop fighting and protecting. To preserve my mind and my voice, amplify my song and purify my life.

I was born on December 23. I'm not into astrology, but I do know I was born on the cusp between Sagittarius and Capricorn. I heard yesterday that the Sagittarius sign is the only sign meant to be alone.
That's in me.
My love is the only thing that keeps me here.
I will never abandon those in my heart.

I saw some rims that displayed an image over the entire face of the wheel.
JESUS.

I'll be alright.

Thanks Sar.

how did you do that?

Music, movies and books are essential parts to my life. At any given moment throughout the course of the day, I am either listening to my shuffle, reading a book, or watching a movie. I am not a movie, book or music whore however: I do not watch, listen or read just anything. Because these 3, my unique "holy trinity" (and will be referred to henceforth as the "trinity". I'm better than the Matrix. Don't you never forget it.) serve a special, essential purpose to my life.

I always wanted to write a book or a movie one day. I have made efforts at my personal literary tour-de-force, vastly underestimating the amount of time, effort, dedication and stubborness it takes to craft such a work. Sculptors, when asked about how they crafted a particular sculpture, remarked that the figure was already within the stone: all they did was free it. My story lies within stone. I'm chipping away.
With the movie however, I get scenes in my mind one at a time. A scene came to me the other day: a man standing at a window, with a steady rain outside. Rain drops slide down the glass of the window. A woman comes behind the man, without touching him but close enough for him to feel her presence. The man touches the window and briefly follows the path of one of the droplets with a finger and states "the world cries the tears that I cannot."

The trinity serves that purpose. A good movie, book or song in my estimation is one that effectively conveys an emotion. They make you tingle, like when I talk about God. Or get that little guy running around in your gut, like when you see someone you have a passion for. They allow you to be close to an emotion with immersing yourself in it. Allow you to feel it without it consuming you. My father is dead, and one of my close friends was killed. I need to remember the joy caused by their lives and the hurt caused by their deaths because in that, I remember them. I know love, intimate and otherwise, and the trinity brings me close to it even in those moments when it seems a million miles and a lifetime away.

I feel these emotions without losing myself in them because the world will not allow it. Sadness and joy do not stop the cogs of the world from turning. They don't even slow them down. Mired in grief, the world does not look upon us with pity, and decides to take a break until we get on our feet. Face to face with your soulmate, lost in a love that is forever, people do not stop needing you, relying on you. Money doesn't become less of a necessity, your house doesn't clean itself, and we still need to eat. Lord knows we need to eat. Needs still need to be met, and progress continues to be made. The Bluest Eye can cry on your behalf.

Songs, movies and books allow you to visit happinessangerlovepainjoypeace, be reminded of its presence, and move on, that much stronger for the experience.

Cry without crying.
Smile without smiling.

It's magic. Without the wand.