Friday, February 20, 2009

the nikki jean theory in perspective.



aight, this is nikki jean. beautiful.

i decided to leave dude in the picture. contrast...like those old benetton billboards.

now, in all likelihood, she knows she's bad, and i have no problem with that. what i'm banking on is that she is as cool as she is bad.
that's a offchance like a lightswitch on a roulette wheel, i know. but in that offchance...can you imagine?

i was talking to my man about my theory, and i showed her to him.
he said he wouldn't want a girl that tough. too much pressure.

well, sometimes the barometer breaks.

shit, you get a girl like this, and you take her looks, substract her personality, and your even or this side of it, you can call it quits forever son. greyed out box that you can't click on. cleats bronzed, jersey surrounded by wood and under glass. the white button pops out of the turkey. 

your done. finito. cashed out and laid up, chillin. 

i invite the family over and cook a meal with her. and when you come with that last dish, and she comes behind, little flour on her face cause of the mini food fight you had in the kitchen.

my homeboys smile. my momma does to. even my niece, who has hated anything with estrogen off bucks, wants to hug her.

i know i've spun one helluva yarn here. some people might call it a fairy tale. fuck it. look at that smile. i'll save you a seat at dinner.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

god sent.

if god made anything better than black women, he kept it for himself.

i went out to a lounge on sunday. i don't go to lounges. this was my first time. but man oh man. dig this. this particular lounge had a enclosed, open roof outside portion behind the dance floor. started getting a little thick and hot on the inside, so i head outside. my homeboys are out there burning squares, and talking to this young lady. cool as a ice fan, straight up. within five minutes duchenne smiles and gut laughs all around. we get to introductions, and she says her name is honour.

what did your momma name you?

honour. 

shit made my night, straight like that. to be surrounded by beautiful women of all genres, smiling and moving, laughing and smelling like...you hope that if you breathe in deep enough, you can carry it home. i can't say that scene is my thing 
no single malts
no beer on tap
seats with no backs 
and that adolecent food with sauce drizzled all over the plate, but i can understand why people go, especially men.

i know its lightweight bullshit to verbally talk about women other people haven't seen. i mean, your werent there with me on sunday. all you will do is think about some beautiful women you have seen. some stop and stare, i want to lay in her hair. but just to go back to the thought is worth it, right?

so thank you black woman for another truly memorable night.

Monday, February 09, 2009

when you talk motherfucker, my pump weighs a ton. end.

out here wasting words like water when you run the faucet for too long.
you say them because they are pretty. you say them because they make you feel good. but when i call on the radio for back-up, i hear no sirens. i take them to the bank, and they laugh at me, and hit the button under the counter.

hallmark words. but at least if they were in a card, there's at least 4 to 1 shot some steak and scotch money would be in there. but no, you give me the words, and leave the bread elsewhere. bastards.

the problem is that there is no consequence to it all. no get-back. you say what you want, and most times, one way or the other, the shit slides cause the words were nice. it's like singing a jesus song at the apollo. nobody boos. there is no further inquiry, no check for authenticity. no body bites the coin, looks through lupe. drops the sodium hypochlorite on the soft white to see if it turns blue. 
and i get hit with some wild shit, forreal. and i know i'm not alone. and on the surface, they are beautiful words. seemingly special sentiments. movie quotes. sweeter than a chocolate easter bunny. 

and just as hollow. 

for all your words, what is there to show for it? when i was on balls and knuckles, the lights dim and the air thick. back pinned against the wall wrestling for my sanity, muscles been failed, and mind knows it didn't study enough, you were gone like a teenaged streetwalker with a sniff habit.
i was banging with the savage leviathans with those who gave me the actions first, and left the words at home with the children, who may have been served better by them.
you talk reckless to me. just wrapping me up about shit. all wrong and don't care. could be anything, sports, movies, life. you've taken no time to understand, just to form an opinion. you don't want to listen, so you don't want to understand.

when i was a younger man, it bothered me. had me lightweight down bad at times. i've grown up and out since then. doesn't affect me anymore. but i need ya'll to stop nonetheless. should have said it back then. better now than never. because you are helping to fucking up the world. stripping once valuable words down to dust.

this is where the pump comes in. keeps you honest. you only say what you mean because now your words could get you missing and put your body out of order. i'm not mad that your words were just words. i'm just wishing you never said it, not to me, because i didn't ask for them. you give me a gift that i didn't even hint for, just to open up the box, and find another box.

but i got another box tucked off, and it aint wrapped cause i know whats inside. kevin duckworth's. double zero buckshot shells with nine pellets that will make an absolute mess of you. a mockery. 

"you want me to believe that this used to be a person?"

the shit is heavy, but my arms are strong. can't hold it up forever though. and it's gets lighter the more i let off cause the weight is in the rounds.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

when you talk motherfucker, my pump weighs a ton. beginning.

whenever i get into a long conversation with somebody, and it gets to the point where no matter what i say, this person just aint getting it. they on the left, im on the right.

i think, this conversation would be alot different if i had a pistol grip 12 gauge.

when i have a hoodie on, with that kangaroo pocket in the front, i can almost feel it weighing me down. because that's probably where i would keep it.

and if i don't want it to stretch my shit out, then i gotta whip it out. i just got to.

Monday, February 02, 2009

fear profits a man nothing.

i met my man pat's girlfriend on friday. and more than that, i saw my man happy forreal.

happy for and proud of you pat. you went and got yours.

shit homie, now i gotta go get mine.

got to.

"For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness."

i don't plan on asking the good lord for much on the forgiveness front.