the nikki jean theory.

Now, I do not know nikki jean. Not even in the way some people "know" their favorite celebrities. I've seen her in one lupe video ("hip-hop saved my life"), and I saw 15 seconds of a clip she made on youtube. What I do know is that she can sing, and she has a smile that reminds me of when i was young, when a smile was enough to carry a young man through a whole 3 week relationship with his 5th grade girlfriend, whole time in love.

I've gone through this love affair once before with Rosario Dawson. Until I found out she was on with that dude from Dawson's Creek, doesn't much matter which one, and that love died. He may not be an assclown, but he was on a show for assclowns, which is too much makeup and shit for me to stomach. I told myself that if I were ever to meet her, I would ask her to lunch, and with two hours of talk time, I'd soon be sporting her around town, holding her hand, and kissing her on the mouth in public. Yup, all of that. Wouldn't even care. Sport her everywhere, and as long as I wasn't making a mockery of my name, it would go down. I said it applies to Rosario, and now Nikki, but it probably applies to every woman I think smells like home.

Let's say Jean was my woman, and in a months time shit fell apart. Some heavy cake came to spirit my woman away and the heavy cake did just that. Would I be mad? I couldn't say I would, because I had her for a month.
If Nikki Jean is as cool as she is bad, I had a bad ass woman, who could sing, liked football, eating and beer. Fishing and fresh air. Grilling. Reading. If she didn't like these things, as least she was open for the suggestion. She put me on to shit that otherwise I couldn't fade, helped me see shit that was lost to me. Chilling on a saturday afternoon catching the breeze.

If I had that for a week, month...shit, three days, I would count it as a blessing, thank god, and move on. I wouldn't lament the fact that it was over no more than I had to. Wouldn't curse her, fault myself, take my homies ears and fill them with lament. Not to say I wouldn't try to make it work. But if the credits began to roll, and the lights came on...well, I would follow the signs. Not many dudes ever had a girl like that ever. Met one, much less dated her. I won in the big game champ, even if the victory was short lived.

I try to look at everything in my life in the same way. When I have it, and it's sweet, I cherish every got damn moment, because as you get older,the good times are the short times without fail. No matter how long they are, it's never long enough. Whether it be a miscommunication gone awry or death, it all ends eventually. So cherish it while it lasts, with no thought to the end. Soak it in so you can carry it with you, so when appreciation and joy leaves you and regret and anger fill the void, you will have some reminder, some signs to hang to show you the way back home.

(So nikki jean, i'll take a smooth 5 minutes and treat it like 5 years. Come make the theory reality)