return to innocence lost

I'm going to take a break from getting on my soapbox, making realizations about life, and just talk. I don't know who reads this, but I suppose this entry is more for me than anyone else. I've recently truly made some changes in my life. I've done this before, but I always cheated, backslid a little. So far, no backsliding. Haven't smoked a black or a newport since last thursday. No sex in 9 months. No messing around either. I refuse to partake in subpar female company, so I haven't chilled with a woman for the majority of that time. Old habits are so hard to break, you know? But, sacrifice is the new word for me. Sometimes you have to sacrifice for the sake of others. My smoking saddens my mother deeply, and to see her smile everyday I choose not to smoke makes the irritation worth it. I don't want kids, or some disgusting disease, so celibacy is its own reward. Plus, I'm tired of making God sad. He asks us not to do it, and I think I can oblige him. Let anger go too, not my homeboy anymore. He's like the anti-beautiful. Can't realize the beauty around you when your pissed off and complaining all the time. I saw a little boy walking with his littler(I know thats not a word) brother. Couldn't hear what they were talking about, but he had his arm around him smiling...good enough for me. A snapshot of common beauty. As I've grown older, I have simultaneously become more sarcastic, pessimistic, jaded, upset, worried and frustrated. It affects the way I see things. I'm going back to a simpler time if I can. Can't be innocent anymore, but I'll just look at things like I looked at that boy with his brother.