i'm happy. really, i am.

a friend of mine recently told me that my posts are depressing. well, i do not want them to have that intent. i would hope, that on some level, they are inspirational. i think alot about life, and i disscuss it as i write. it's how i feel, from the heart. the reason i bring up so many "sad" topics is that i have noticed that people have start accepting chaos as apart of life. we think this is as good as it gets. i do not believe that it is. we all deserve better, but better will not be given to us. we have to expect it demand for it, fight for it, strive after it with all of our being. things for you and me can be better. they will be better. but i think we all have to realize how bad is truly is before we can move on. we have to deal with the truth of this life and our lives, whatever that truth might be. for me, its that i can be lazy, and sometimes i love too much, but i want so much for the people i love i can't help it. my pops was a sap, and so am i. but my pops got down for his, and so will i. i like 36 mafia and project pat, even though i'm trying not to listen to it all that much anymore. under the right circumstances, i become the gangland terrorist. i love my city of baltimore, and honestly believe if you can survive here, you can survive anywhere. i miss chris weaver alot. i can be judgemental. very much so. after a particularly difficult past relationship, i am super sensitive about comprimising myself for people. i never want to feel used or underappreciated. but i will be. i love my inner circle of friends like brothers. there is nothing i won't do for them. and my cousins, well, if you know me, you know how i feel about my cousins chris and tay. i can be horrible with keeping in touch with people. i can be impatient with my sister. i'm trying to love god more than i do now. i always want to be right about something i am arguing. i don't know what god wants from my life. thats some of the truth. and i'm happy, please believe me. the truth seems ugly at times, and sometimes it is. but, the truth about our lives is that we all need to enjoy life at a different level. above the booze, weed, cigs, clubs, mtv, cars, sex, death, crime, you know what i mean. never settle for that being the life you have to live. lets make it better for us.