toe-tagged truth.

my cousin had me out here feeling lightweight bad. making me feel like i'm asking too much from these women out here.

"you still looking for perfection." that's what he hit me with just on friday. after he left my crib, i was up for a minute thinking about what he said. i mulled over all the women that i knew, used to know. maybe i judged wrong, or too harshly. maybe the mistake was that i judged at all. maybe the criteria i was looking for was bullshit. maybe i set it up in my mind for them to fail from jump. 

maybe cause of my last relationship, i was still fucked up. going too hard, you know? looking for diamond flaws though a 20x loupe. your bound to see the feathers and cleavage.

looking for that fairy tale. that notebook. i was up for a minute, mulling it all around. this isn't the first time he hit me with that. aint the first time i heard it period.

then a thought showed up like a 4am raid. why is he telling me this?

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you know the best advice? advice that comes from another man's fuck up. you put the pussy on the ceiling, nail it, and tell the next man how not to. your failure has the power to teach another. but you gotta stretch it out that cold slab naked, and lift up the sheet. with this future relationship i'm going to have with my future wife, i need the people around me to show me the autopsy:

this is how the relationship died. this is how i messed up. this is how i picked wrong. this is how i was weak, this is how i let that loneliness get to me. i was lazy and aint want to try. it could be a million reasons, but there are reasons nonetheless.

at the end of the day, if you give me that, i'm going to learn forreal, and hopefully with the information i can do it right. and when i have some failure, or out and out get a cold F, i can tell my honest tale to the next, and he can learn from my shortcomings. but don't set me up to take the same bogus trip you just made. 

you read the map wrong, so we both at AAA?

 

i know i'm my own man, we are all our own people. but you a fool and a liar if you think you make it through this life leaning on just your own understanding of what is around you. we all get advice, and we all need it from time to time. i'm not asking for proverbs or meditations. just the truth.

yeah, you probably not going to walk this path and come out clean on the other end. you might look like a simp, a sucker for love ass nigga, but who hasn't worn that uniform before? can't be a g all the time fella, don't let them rap songs tell you different. that shit is going to sting like iodine when you think about all the bogus rap you laid on the track, all the bullshit you wish you had never said. all those things you wish you had. actions you took that began the downfall. 

you might cringe. i know i did. but to speak fallacies is to teach lies, and learning and lies aint in the same schoolhouse, much less the same classroom. those people who may learn may do it better than you...seeing that will highlight your own shortcomings, exposing the regret hiding in the shadows of you. 

but though all that discomfort, you can learn too. exposing your story gives it a different hue and your forced to look at it brand new. it has not only become the truth for someone else, it has become the truth for you. now, with all you've given, you get something back. 

a chance to do it differently the next time it comes down the pipe.

and it will. always does.